Are you constantly editing yourself, tweaking yourself, minimising yourself to fit into what the world wants you to be? Today, I’ll be exploring Good Girl vs Bad Daughter. In fact, we’re throwing the good girl script out the window. Because I promise you, when we own our Bad Daughter self – that’s when we really start living our lives. Are you ready?

It’s not just in South Asian culture, women in every culture are taught to be a good girlfriend, a good sister, a good wife, good colleague and so on.

Good Girl vs Bad Daughter: which one are you?

HOW DOES THIS GOOD GIRL IDEA AFFECT US?

Women grow up in a world that teaches us to shrink ourselves, to make ourselves smaller in order to be more palatable to everyone else. Here are some stats:

  1. 56% of women feel pressure to be likeable versus 36% of men.
  2. 65% women feel that being liked is core to their character.’
  3. 50% of all women say they hold back their true opinions to be liked
  4. 35% of women try to “smile more” to be liked

Source: Good Girls Report © Good Shout Community 2025

 

WHAT PRACTICAL STEPS CAN YOU TAKE?

It feels like an uphill battle but there are things you can do. We start by going to the source of where our beliefs where shaped. Take a piece of paper and write a few things down:

  1. What “good daughter” rules did you learn growing up?
  2. Which of these rules still influence your choices today?
  3. What price have you paid for following these rules?
  4. What dreams, desires, or parts of yourself have you set aside to remain “good”?

Now choose ONE “good daughter” rule that you’re ready to question. Write it down on a piece of paper, exactly as you learnt it. For example: “Good daughters always ……….

Here comes the fun bit: tear that paper up and see how good it feels!

 

 

THE GOOD GIRL RULESThe Good Girl myth: and why it's so bad for youI was taught so many rules about being the “good daughter”:

  • Don’t be too loud.
  • Don’t take up too much space.
  • Don’t want too much.
  • Don’t be difficult.
  • Don’t make anyone uncomfortable.
  • Always put others first.
  • Be grateful for whatever you get.
  • Smile even when you don’t feel like it.

These rules get drilled into us from day one. And here’s the thing – nobody asks if we want to follow them. They’re just handed down like some kind of sacred law.

My mum used to say, “Good girls don’t complain.” So I learned to swallow my feelings. My teachers praised me for being “such a good listener” – which really meant I never spoke up in class. My friends loved that I was “so easy-going” – because I never said no to anything, even when I was dying inside. Being good got me approval. It got me love. It got me praise. But it also got me a life that didn’t feel like mine.

 

WHAT BEING GOOD ACTUALLY COSTS YOU

Here’s what nobody tells you about being the good girl: it’s expensive as hell.

  • You pay with your voice. Every time you bite your tongue instead of speaking up, you lose a piece of yourself.
  • You pay with your dreams. Because good girls don’t chase wild dreams – they’re practical and sensible and grateful for what they have.
  • You pay with your energy. Constantly managing everyone else’s feelings is exhausting.
  • You pay with your body. All that swallowed anger and suppressed frustration has to go
  • somewhere. For me, it showed up as panic attacks, mental health issues, depression and anxiety.
  • You pay with your relationships. Because when you’re always saying yes, people never get to
  • know the real you. They fall in love with your performance, not your person.

I remember the exact moment I realized how much being good was costing me. I was at a friend’s birthday dinner, and she was talking about this amazing trip she was planning to India. I felt this surge of jealousy – I’d always wanted to go back to India, to explore my roots properly. But instead of saying “That sounds incredible, I’d love to do something like that,” I heard myself say, “Oh, I could never afford something like that. Besides, I’m too busy with work.” Good girls don’t admit to wanting things they can’t have. Good girls don’t show envy. Good girls are content with their lot. But I wasn’t content. I was dying inside.

THE MOMENT EVERYTHING CHANGED

The day I decided to stop being good was the day my life actually began.

It wasn’t dramatic. I didn’t burn my bras or tell everyone to go screw themselves. I just started

small.

I said no to a work event I didn’t want to attend. I ordered what I actually wanted at a restaurant

instead of the cheapest thing on the menu. I told a friend I was hurt by something she’d said

instead of pretending it was fine.

Each tiny rebellion felt terrifying. My good girl brain was screaming: “What will people think?

They’ll stop loving you! You’re being selfish!”

But you know what happened? Nothing terrible. The world didn’t end. People didn’t hate me.

In fact, something amazing happened. I started to feel alive again.